I have a couple of very close friends who in my head I know care about me and will do anything for me (and I them). I often feel that T is the only person who really gets me. Over the years she has figured me out and I feel we have a real connection. With my close friends I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop or reading into their actions.

It sucks...

This thread made me see that even though I DO have a good friend in town with me, when I am feeling this low, I only want to talk to my T. I understand that, and it is so hard, even if my T allows emails and phone calls.

Yes I really feel that and can resonate with what you wrote so much ,
I know I am really lonely when I start to think about t too much, I yearn for her company. I know she can only be my t but I want more from her sometimes. Sometimes I am so lonely it hurts. I realised I have always felt like this but what made me realise it was having somebody close and then them leaving too. The pain was unbearable, having a t eased that pain but it also hurt because I know I am close to t but I am not really it's a torturous relationship and sometimes it cruelly reminds me of what I don't have. A friend to share my happiness and also my sadness.

This is a worry of mine too that I will slip back into a depression but I have managed to internalise t and be the good enough t to myself in those times of need. How do you treat yourself when you are lonely? Could you be a good friend to yourself and really see yourself as the lovely person you are who deserves to be seen and to have friends?

I get it. I had someone close also but I was abandoned. I'm not sure I want to be that vulnerable again. The grief of that loss has been devastating.

I try to keep busy and involved with projects but my heart sometimes is just not in it.


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I do think volunteering is a good way to start- getting yourself on a committee, for example that meets up regularly at night can really help. Meetup.com groups can also really help - they are filled with a lot of people looking for friends. I think people often find a lot of friends in church groups- there are some churches that cater to single people in cities in particular that seem to be very good at bringing people together. I know some friends that host a weekly bible study group and they seem to grow quite close.

Book clubs might help as well. If you went to college there might be an alumni club in your area- they often run events where people can meet each other. maybe something fun like an art class or something might be good as well?

I feel for you here and feel the same. In that moment of despair when you need to turn somewhere and there isn't anyone else. Having someone know you is very powerful. My T knows me better than anyone else after only 5 months of a lot if silence. Go figure.

I also get how hard it is to make real friends when there is so much history. How do you start? If anyone has any suggestions maybe they could help us out!!