i understand... i do. Forgive me for being muddled and slow right now. Something has sort of caved in on me in my spirit and i feel so very very sad.

learning to stand your ground is important but a catch 22, as if you knew how you wouldn't need therapy as much. That is why choosing a gentle T would be important to you. Right now, while you are not connected and attached, and subsequently influenced to submit, write down the things which make you feel betrayed or otherwise unheard.

write down things like rescheduled appointments need to be in advance if at all possible, set firm goals that aren't moved on you... and so on. What sets you off about what they do is as informative about you as it is about them as well. So a new T would learn a lot about how to relate to you and about your issues. At this stage you are more likely to write your true feelings, albeit tainted with some anger, and that will be helpful as well.

i hope this helps you. i do wish to keep talking, but right now i feel so very bad.. it will be intermittent.