i sat on the bus today with my forehead against the glass, watching objects, people and earth move by. Slow, fast, stop here, stop there. All the faces, all the people. Cars, colour and sunshine.

i sat there and i knew. It didn't even scare me. My thoughts were more about what to do for my beloved dogs.

No need to call the police. i have no immediate plan. i just know.

What is different is the lack of impact, the lack of fear or strong reaction. It is just calm acceptance.

WHat is really ironic is that now would be a good reason to call my T... but we have dismantled that bridge now haven't we?

i am so trapped that i can't even die to escape.