I'd love to Katie but last time I dated anyone, I was in grade 6 LOLL and 14 years later, I'm so out of touch with today's dating. I told you I went 900 kms to meet a girl... that was 5 years ago and the the truth is, I suffered a huge traumatism when I realised she would never come. For some reason, I kinda became broken in love and since then, I changed so much. I used to be romantic, I used to know what to say to girls, what to do with them, nowadays, it's like I forgot everything and became a completly different person!

After lots of therapies, I came to the conclusion I suffered a severe traumatism and to protect myself from further rejections, my brain somehow changed me, to protect me and I'm having real trouble getting a girlfriend. I get all sweaty if a girl I like gets close to me and because I was abused physically and sexually during my childhood, I get scared if I think things will get physical. It has never been in the case in 14 years and I'm still a virgin but I'm scared, just thinking about it. I want to have sex ...because I have needs but I'm so uncomfortable, I haven't been touched by anyone in so long that I embarassed just by holding hands and I'm not gay but a trucker ex-work colleague once joked about me in his truck by touching my tight (trucker joke that all truckers are perverts) and I got so embarassed, because of the sexual abuse I was victim during my childhood.

I'm trying to find solutions to ''repair'' myself in love but it's not easy... it's very abstract, I'm not too sure what to search, where, it's cloudy in my head.