May contain cursing, I am truly sorry for which.

So I finally see my damn therapist and guess what: I tell her about the fact that I have delusions, that I am suicidal and I can't get myself to stand from my ****ing bed and she decides that the only thing holding me down is the lack of motivation... NO ****ING ****.. Yes okay, it will help a little bit with the depression but what about the ****ing delusions?? Pfh I have no ****ing clue, I waited a whole month to see her hoping to get something like a medication, I was even ready to get locked up because I am scared of myself.. but no.. "make a diary" ... **** this I'm getting antidepressants that don't need to be prescribed. I'm so tired of this, I just want to get it over with.