I donīt focus only on specific things, I agree misunderstandings should be dealt upon but in this case itīs more about feeling this T:s whole attitude is far from what I need from a T.
Sheīs not that warm and caring and as the relationship is crucial for a therapy to work, I donīt think you can work on some issues and not others in order to adjust to a relationship that you donīt like. I could take if we disagreed on some issue but feeling there is not enough chemistry is another thing.
You canīt just shut of that you feel a T is too cold or what you find is bothering you and focus on some issues in life, you have to have a solid relationship to be able to trust and be willing to tell things in an open manner. At least I do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinnamon_roll
Sarah,
you seem to be determined, over and over again, to focus on the things that don't work out between your therapist and you.
If I understand you correctly, this is your only option of therapy funded through the Swedish healthcare system. So you can either hate the fact that you are not free to choose the therapist you want and that you have to compromise and at the same time keep picking at shortcomings of your therapist and keep finding reasons while this won't work and keep avoiding by focusing on the meta-level instead of focusing on your problems in life.
This will take you nowhere.
Or you could ask yourself: Well, even if this is not the perfect therapist for me: What are the questions and areas that this therapist still could help me with and support me? It's not black and white. It's not that therapists can either help you or they can't. There's a big continuum inbetween. And it's up to you if you let her help you with your issues. She won't if you don't let her.
When I was in intensive inpatient treatment I couldn't chose my therapist. Which I found incredibly difficult. So out of control. So I deeply sympathize with your situation. But at the same time: Even though I wouldn't have chosen this therapist, had I been given the option, she was helpful for me in many areas. Were there things about her that I found difficult? You bet. But at the same time she was incredibly helpful for me. So I would have been pretty stupid to just focus on the not-so-helpful stuff, cause I would have missed out on the areas where she was able to help me grow and support me.
Live isn't perfect. Yes it would be wonderful, if you had other options. But you don't. So your only option is to use the oppotunity that you've been given or to quit altogether. It's up to you.
Start by being honest with her. That you find the situation per se difficult. She will probably know by now anyway. Stop focusing on the details of what she does or doesn't do. You cannot and won't change her.
But you can start to take a look: why do you find situations like this difficult, when control is being taken away from you. What can you do in order to gain a sense of agency in situations like this? And maybe, by focusing on different things you might realize, that your relationship might start to shift as well...
Wishing you all the best,
c_r
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