Sorry guys. I have mentioned a lot that I am having to leave my T very soon after I brought up the kind of work that I believe I need to do. She agreed but just couldn't do it with me for organisational reasons.

I have attachment and trust issues after some horrid things in the past and emotionally absent parents. I have never spoken of most of these thongs before I met my T. We agree that I need a form or reparenting, to become dependent and attached while learning to develop and grow before venturing out into the world knowing there is a safe place for me to return. The use of safe nurturing touch and out of session contact are on my list of things I need.

From reading it seems like a couple on here have found people to work in that way and wondered how it came about? Did you specifically look for that kind of person or sort of fall into it?

My T is keen for me to find someone who will do this but I am struggling. Most email replies have been either negative because they dont do that kind of work or because they cant dedicate the time, or have said 'come along and we can chat about it' even though I have said that not much talking gets done in sessions because I am so scared I just freeze silent. I have been taking a printout of what i need with me and kind of thrusting it at them!!

Went to another today who said 'that just goes against everything I have been taught about boundaries but I can check what my supervisor thinks'. Well why the hell didn't you say that in an email then and save us both the bother.
I get that it wasn't a no but I need this person to be really sure about it. I am supposed to be the confused one!

I have another tomorrow who seemed fine with the touch and contact in agreed limits (fine by me) but who said nothing of the reparenting and dependency stuff. Will see how it goes but really questioning whether I will fail in my search or find someone and something that could change my life in immeasurable ways.

Wish me luck!!