Can't strop crying I had been doing better but today just crying at my desk and working solitary until I couldn't take it anymore and I just ran out the door after lunch. I got a email from my manager that he is worried about me. i emailed back not to worry. he said in the morning he could tell i was down and wnated me to stay so he could keep an eye on me. I know he meant well but that festered all day so he wants to keep an eye on me because he is my friend for 8 hours during the workday but then everything can go to hell during the rest oft he 16 hours in the day or over the weekend. i can't play my music at work because there was an issue so i had it on very quietly today but then a few desks down there is horrible loud music playing drowning out mine. why isnt THAT an issue, because i won't complain? it was giving me a headache so i just left. i'm onan antidepressant now so now i feel i am beginnin g a fight for my recovery but i don't have the wherewhithal to fight this again i am supposed to have a support system to help me with this fight but i don't have one i am all alone and it doesnt matter if i can do it alone i don't want to try. i pulled out my very old drawing of my support system from the last time i was hospitallized years ago and none of it is around any more... family died friends moved away or drifted away no one around any more.