I'd say for the past maybe 9 months depression has been the thing running the show. Anxiety used to be a huge issue, but now I've dropped to the apathetic, sad end of the scale. It's hard to be anxious when you don't care about anything. Back in the fall, I bumped up my sessions in therapy to once a week. It was a big deal, I felt insane for needing it weekly. I was admitted into the hospital this past January and that's when my friends began taking everything super seriously - which I magnify as smothering.

Right now I'm in this place where I have so many thoughts, feelings, and frustrations that I get overwhelmed and shut down. Ideation has come back but I haven't told anyone because I don't want to go to the hospital again. But I have been having these thoughts because I feel fed up. I know that's the easy way out and I don't really believe I'd do anything. But the thoughts are more frequent like they were over the winter.

I'm having the hardest time talking about this, but I feel so comfortable with my therapist. She's a Christian therapist and we have very similar values, so she and I relate on multiple levels. I feel secure with her. But I fear dependence and so I'm afraid of asking for more time with her...or do I even really need it? I already go to individual and group therapy weekly. I'm on 3 different medications. I live in a supportive house. What more could I need?