A friend called me this evening and made me feel a little better temporarily. I told him I wish he was here to give me a hug and he was sympathetic.

I need to grieve over the "loss" I experienced on Friday. I didn't lose a friend but I lost a great source of hope in that friend. Both my therapist and my new pdoc told me I shouldn't think it bad to feel very sad over this, it was a huge loss and I should be grieving. My friend that I spoke to tonight told me the same thing. It is so difficult because he is also a coworker, I have to see him and work with him every day, and I can't let him see how much pain I am in over this. So yesterday I had to work with this friend and hide my pain completely, today my manager and my boss and coworkers saw that I am in so much pain that I couldn't function, I was able to chalk that up to nausea from the new medication (which wasn't true... the nausea didn't hit me until several hours after I came home) and nobody there can know the true source of all of my pain. Not that it's any of their business anyway.