Well, it would appear you are in a quagmire, something easy for me to spot, as I am in one, as well..addicted to stimulants, convinced they are necessary in order for me to half-*** function, and I say that is a generous description, as I'm barely squeeking by, by the skin of my effin teeth, but as I feel outside pressure to continue, I mean I have to work, or I lose my house, my kids, my car, but in order to get out of bed the stimulants are a requirement at this point, I don't have time to go thru the ******** of crying, paranoia, sleeping 18 out of 24 hours, and getting paralyzed by fear cuz I don't know where to start cuz there is just too much to do...wish I could stop methin-around, unfortunately have no desire to stop right now, for to stop means life as I know it will cease to exist, and I sure as hell don't need another fear on my pile of fears...(fear of change and of the unknown) so, guess I don't have any advice, I guess I just wanted to tell you that I can relate, been there, done that, haven't stopped yet....