Believe me I've spent thirteen years trying everything to help this. My hospitalization when I tried to commit suicide was in a Pride center--a psych hospital for gay people--and they encouraged me to try to get out more and to be more proactive in finding some friends and a possible relationship. I've joined tons of communities (it's either men looking for immediate sex... I'm not at all interested in jumping into bed with some guy) or no one shares my interests or is even interested in me. I;ve joined groups related to my hobbies hoping to find someone to talk to (I've found pllenty of guys to talk too... None of them interested in anything more than talking with me) and yes i'm open everyone at work and in my life and on social media knows I"m gay. I don't flaunt it but I don't hide it. I've tried going to bars it's not enjoyable at all to me (and again, just guys looking for quick sex) and out dancing and never found anyone interested in me. (in spite of the fact that I think I am a good dancer and often get compliments... at weddings lots of girls always want to dance with me. But no guys ever want to come back to my room with me let alone get to know me after the event. I don't know what is wrong with me... I think I'm a smart, funny guy who would be good in a relationship and projects that when I meet people, and it seems like people see that... but only as a friend.

I wouldn't mind meeting your cousin and friends but of course not while I'm in the depth of this depression (unless they're understanding... I can't look for a relationship now but I could look for some understanding friends). Also given this past weekend there's no way I can safely put myself in a position of hoping for something again. I thought I was OK but seriously this almost killed me this weekend.