Hello T,

I had a session with replacement T today. I thought I would see you to when I would be in the waiting room, but no. Maybe your session times are not the same? But while I was in session with replaceT, I heard you with other clients. And later with one client. The rooms are next to eachother and you know it is noisy. I heard you and whoever was with you talking. Loud. I couldn't really hear what you were saying, but I could hear your voices. And laughter. I heard you a few times laugh very loud. It sounded like you had ''fun'' with that other client. It hurt so much. Our sessions are usually serious. Therapy. I would like to have a little bit of fun once in a while. It actually would be good for me. I'm too serious in sessions. I feel like it should be only therapy. I know it's therapy, but... I don't know. I would like a casual chitchat sometimes. But it's hard for me to make small talk. Not only to you, but with most people. I can't be myself.

You must find/like that other client better than me. I'm boring. That why you talked about therapist in general and not about what you think, when we talked about that I was worried that you like other clients more than me. And that you don't know if therapists, so therapist in general, not you, have favorite clients. You talked/talk like that because you can't lie to me. But you also can't say the truth, because the truth wouldn't be good for me and my therapy/progress. So when we talk about me being worried about what you think of me, you use ''therapists in general'' and not ''I''. You have said that it isn't bad that I'm so quiet and then all clients are different, that's what makes my job so interesting.

And then about being loud today. You know the rooms are noisy. We have heard noise from outside and from people in the waiting room and you have said that you don't like it that the room is so noisy. Then why are you and that stupid client so loud? You know there're sessions in the room next to you. I don't know if you remembered I had a session around that time. Why didn't you took that into account?

- Feelings: sad. angry. disappointed. not important. unwanted.

It feels like everything you've said about me or our ''therapeutic relationship'' is a lie.