As an aside, that is my FAVORITE RULE EVER.

Rainbow, for what it's worth, I really think you are on to something with the idea that you NEED something to feel guilty about. You know I have issues around people overstepping boundaries, but even I don't think this is a big deal.

Out of curiosity as a fellow former-goody-two-shoes, why didn't you do bad things?

I think everyone who says that your need to confess and feel shame are a big part of this -- they don't negate the curiosity and honesty aspects of it, in my opinion, but rather enhance it. If you're already a curious person who has trouble holding stuff in, then this seems like a pretty natural way for you to "mess up". Another way you could mess up is to start selling drugs, but somehow that doesn't seem to fit you as well...

I don't feel the same need to transgress/confess as you do, but I do have the same strong feelings attached to telling T things that I don't tell anyone else. Things that basically NO ONE would punish me for, yet I have punished myself for them many times over. We are different in that I have an *extremely* hard time with it, because I am terrified that T will reject me forever if I tell him, and that fear often overrides any urge to tell. But for the first time, at least I kind of want to tell someone, because having someone else tell me it's really not a big deal that, for example, I have a crappy relationship with food, is a massive relief. And I *do* think that's related to my being "good" in the past -- more complicated for me because I did do some "bad" things, but they were kind of bizarre bad things, almost as if I had run out of energy to be "good" and let the "bad" part leak out in harmless ways, like having a hopelessly messy room. ANYWAY I don't want to make this about me, but I'm wondering if you had the same focus on being "good", such that anything at all that you did that was "bad" felt catastrophic and needed to be hidden/sneaked around -- and finding now that normal "bad" stuff is actually not mutually exclusive with being loved, is something new that you're still needing to experience over and over again? Am I even making sense?