Doing good for others is a worthy act. However, if you do good for others at the expense of your own dreams or possibly even your sense of identity, I don't see that as desirable. What if people you were trying to help wanted thing X in their lives, and someone told them it's selfish and they don't deserve it? What if thing X in that person's life was the very thing you were trying to help them obtain?

It seems to me you have a long list of unwritten obligations or rules you are laboring under. Valuing yourself and standing up for your personal choices is apparently not on that list. Why is it bad to value oneself as much as one values anyone else?