Hello beeblove
I have the same issue as you have.
If people tell me, yo, what's the matter, just eat less show discipline, I always feel some kind of despaired helplessness. In general, I guess I don't have a problem with making myself do what I have to. But if I imagine to change my eating habits, I feel like suffocating. It's like saying that staying under water is just a matter of will power. "If your willing enough, you will be able to stay under water for two hours if you want." Everyone can see that this is stupid. And I know I'm being irrational on this thing, but I feel the same with food.
It's like my mind is a vessel, and in it, there's too much unwanted negative emotions. I can't show them on the outside, there's no place to put them. Eating is my relief from that.
Also, I feel I can talk to noone about my eating problem, because noone understands it. With an alcoholician, there's some kind of societal consensus. Most people agree that it's obvious that someone who drinks like five bottles of wine a day most likely will have emotional problems, but with food it's a different thing. The more you eat, the more you indulge yourself. That's the way it is seen. Nobody would say that you "indulge" yourself by drinking five bottles of wine a day. Of course I know there are people who are judgemental towards alcoholicians, obviously. But still, there's also a huge part in the society who doesn't think like that... if you not what I mean. And I don't know, I don't feel like it's the same with eating problems. People seem to view this solely as a matter of will power.
Sorry I know this got a little bit long. Hope you don't mind.