Elevatedsoul, thanks for the response. Yeah I want to stop but at the same time don't. Sometimes I try replacements, but it's usually just prolonging the cutting. Distractions rarely help. There's only one scar that I have that's so bad. It's the one scar that gives everything away. I'm terrified for the summer.

I've been on mess for like 6 years on and off. Mostly on though. I just started BC for another medical issue, but maybe it will help me with my emotions. I've been seeing my T for a little over a year now. May-August we had a break because of maternity leave. Now she's back just with limited hours. She is glad that I'm coming in weekly and knows that's a big hurdle for me already. Next week she wants my roommate to sit in... Well see how that goes.

Omegalamed, thanks for your reply too. Or church is huge and we have lots of smaller communities. Our church has biblical and pastoral counselors as well as clinical, so they've got many resources I can look into. I'm in group therapy now but it's with my school, so not Christ centered. I'm supposed to be able to trust the girls in my ministry group and its caused a huge trust issue with me not wanting to be vulnerable. But that's why my T wants a roommate to come too to help clear things up