Thank you all for your words, I feel a bit better today... I actually saw her today, happened to cross paths on our day off, and ended up talking to her again for about 30 minutes this time, we talked about what happened between us, we're finally back on "good terms", which is somewhat of a relief for me personally because I have a history of losing all connection to every single girl I've ever been with romantically once it's over...

Despite how much I wish things had gone differently, I'm a brutally honest person and I AM happy that she's happy, even though it's not with me... and I told her that, told her how F'ed up I was too over it all, coping and such... while a lot of people would probably tell me it's bad, I really hope her and I can learn to become friends again, if nothing else, because losing her entirely was horrible and IS a horrible thought to me. I do love and care for her and still want her in my life... I guess I just need to change the love from intensely romantic to a more detached love.

I'm still very upset about her moving on so quickly and easily, though. I'm still depressed it didn't work, I'm upset by how it all went down in the end. I've spent the last month wrestling with the fact that I wasn't sure if I loved her still or hated her. It took me a long time to realize I can't hold a grudge, all my anger over what happened has shifted into just a sense of loss and regret. It'll take me a long time to fully recover from this whole situation, in terms of being able to trust and open up again.