Hello MDB. What you describe sounds very similar to me with regard to depression. I am alone in my life so the only people I would hurt are my coworkers. I think about that all of the time weighing it against all of the pain I am in. I have heart problems and I have been hoping that I might have another heart incident that would take my life because then no one would have to second guess my suicide. I have to see my cardiologist next Tuesday and I have very mixed feelings about what he is going to say... if he determines I need surgery can I refuse the surgery?

I am hanging in there. I am not sure what I am hanging on to but there must be a shred of amorphous hope inside of me.

You said:
What if that someone were you? What if a treatment was found that could put you back on the road to wellness where you could enjoy your family and enjoy life again? It is worth trying and you are trying by hanging on and posting here and talking to your doctor. Keep trying. I hope your visit with the doctor today provided some more tangible feelings of hope.