welcome MDB922... although i wish you didn't have to be here on the forums suffering with depression... depression is a horrible horrible affliction..
and especially someone that is sensitive to the drugs... im so sorry..

im not sensitive to drugs but they just dont work for me...
i too have been dealing with depression since i was a little kid... 5..6..4 years old...
im 26 years old now, i have severe mdd recurrent without psychotic features...

i feel your pain, i understand completely how you feel

i wear so many masks that its hard for me to keep up anymore.. i don't have a memory , for whatever reason, im not sure why.. im just in a constant state of ... that fog ...
sometimes i cant feel anything, sometimes i zone out and am stuck in my head for some time... but i try hard for everyone around me, like you, i dont want to hurt anyone and it would really hurt my family if anything happened to me...
so i hide all of my symptmoms the best i can, i dont talk about what im going through with anyone... which is really difficult thing to do
trying to go through this alone is really hard.. really a not a good thing i think...

i found this website some time ago and it has helped me a great deal... even though i just post alot of nonsense and stuff... it helps..

you can post as much as you want, talk as much as you want, i try to check the forums everyday to keep myself focused on recovery...
everyone here is really understanding and supportive...

i have been trying to get treatment for about ... 4-5 years... before that i heavily self medicated which of course doesn't make things better..
it probably why the medications dont work so well on me now because i've destroyed parts of my brain?

did the hospital help any?
i know therapy can seem like its not helping sometimes... how long have you been in therapy?
when i tried to do therapy it started to make me feel... well.. feel :/
and i dont reallly like feeling those things... so i felt like it wasnt helping, was making me worse.. all that... but its the little things that matter, its a slow progress sometimes... something that we have to keep at...

how does your psychiatrist handle your sensitivity to medication?
which medicines have you tried?

some people suggest natural "remedies" but i've never had much luck with it.. honestly haven't had much luck with anything, besides when they had me on so many drugs that i couldn't write or count or say my abc's.... i dont want to be like that though...

its a war, everyday is a battle... some battles we win... some we lose... but as long as we don't "check out" we are still fighting the war... and still have chance to win the war and end all the battles...

just have to keep fighting... stay strong... be kind and gentle with yourself..
can talk here and vent... sometimes it helps to vent here where no one can see you, no one will attack you or make fun of you, its a safe place... atleast it has been safe for me as long as i have been here...

it sucks when all you know are these feelings... my old therapist told me that i dont know what it feels like to be happy, i thought i did but i only know what it feels like to be high and numb - or severely depressed and stuff..
never really been happy :/ but we can win.. we can't give up

everyday they are looking into new treatments and medicines and hopefully they will come up with a way to really help people with severe recurrent mdd

i feel you.. i hope you stick around and find some helpful support here