Thank you elevatedsoul... I found nothing to offend me there

And obviously I empathize.

I also don't think that a relationship will cure my depression that's not what I'm looking for and in fact I'm very reluctant to the idea of starting a relationship when I feel depressed. But the truth is that rejection was a strong trigger to this depression and that makes the lonliness hard to bear. It would be easy (easier) if, since the depression was triggered by rejection, if I could imagine that a relationship could cure it. That would give me a clear goal. But I don't feel that way, I don't WANT to feel that way, and I don't think that would be a HEALTHY way for me to feel or believe. It is what it is but right now it is causing me a lot of pain.