I just had a melt down. Yesterday, my therapist insisted that I MUST go to an IOP since I have struggled for so long and had so much suicidal ideation. She called while I was in her office to make me an appt for later that afternoon. Well, when I told my husband this, he was livid. He said she should have contacted him before making this type of decision. It is so hard for us if I have to go to the hospital IP or IOP because of childcare issues. He told me he "didn't know how he effin felt about this ****." He went on to cuss at me and call my therapist every name in the book.

Fast forward to today and I had my first session of my IOP therapy. My husband is, in all seriousness, still extremely upset. He told me that there is nothing in our marriage anymore, that maybe I should move in with my mom because that is where I want to be all the time anyway. I told him that if there was one thing I could always say certainly it is that my marriage is fulfilling, abundant, and forever and that I would never in a million years imagine he felt this way. He went on and on about how I need to change. He said for example, I need to get it together, to take better care of myself, to get off the damn couch, to clean the dirty house.

He did not say these things kindly, with fair criticism, or love; he was being entirely ugly. He said if I don't change there is no guarantee he is going to stay. He said he was fed up with about everything about me, especially my bp (which he chooses not to understand). We didn't argue in the least but he was so cold and mean that I could hardly stand it. And then, into our conversation, he abruptly told me we were not going to have the conversation anymore as nothing I can say can change his mind. I hated this because I cannot stand an unresolved conflict.

A couple hours later, he came upstairs to the kitchen where I was cooking dinner. He put his arms around me and I just started sobbing. He said I have nothing to worry about. He said he loved me and wasn't ever leaving. He said he just wants me to get better. He said a lot to ease my mind and help me gain peace about the situation. He never once said he was sorry or felt remorse for how he had acted before. I feel heartbroken.