my friend...
you are not making it up..
do you think that those answers are what yo truly feel?
or are you trying to push away people close to you so you dont hurt them?

depression tries to take away everything we have, it will take away all our feelings - leaving the pain to confuse us, to make us doubt everything, and to strip us of our self respect, strip us of any type of faith or hope

depression is a beast that we must slay, some how, eventually... but until we can kill depression the beast, we have to wound it and slow it down, we have to stun it and blind it, try to make it disorientated so that we can regain a foothold, to take a moments rest and regain some strength

i wish i could say there is a cheat code to defeating it, or that the beast has a weakness... but i don't know it
because i have my depression beast that i am kicking tooth and nail with, i think they are all different and all must be defeated differently.. because our insides are different... the only thing i know that is the same for us is that we can't give up, this beast can't win! we have to fight it harder than anything, fight harder than most people fight their whole lives 10 fold... we have to be stronger than superman, and faster than the flash... we have to remind ourselves that this beast will take over our mind and make us think these negative things about everything...
it is psychological warfare.... this is a beast that must be destroyed and i for one wont let it win and wont rest until im standing over its bloody corpse

i am really sorry that you are struggling... i know how it is, it is a moment to moment thing... i go back and forth, i fight and fight... but everyone gets weak, and we need to regain our strength and our balance...
depression doesn't like it when we are kind to ourselves... when we are gentle...
this stuns the beast... you have to stun the beast to regain some strength so you can fight back...

please stay strong, keep full speed ahead, we shall prevail...