Quote:
Originally Posted by Chummy
I had a session last week and one of the things I talked about was that I'm curious about her. More and more often I wonder who she is, what she likes, what she does outside of work. It was the first time I told her this. She said that it's normal to be curious about a T's interest and such. If you have been in a therapeutic relationship that long, it's not weird to wonder what
She then asked if it would be good for me to have an answer to those questions. Would it make me happy if I know some of those things? Would I gain something from knowing a little bit about her life outside of work? Would it be good for me on the long term? Would it change anything for me? Would it make things better?
She said it would be good for me to think about this.
I hadn't actually thought about that. I said that it wouldn't make me happy or something. My curiousity would be stilled. Other than that I didn't really knew.
Now I wonder if it would be positive for me to know a bit more about her. I'm not talking about really personal things, but about her interests in music, books, traveling, sport, tv. That kind. It doesn't mean that she will answer some questions I have about her.
Would it be good for me? I already envy her, but that is because she pretty, kind, smart, has a good job, boyfriend, baby daugther, she seems happy. Could knowing about some of her interests make this even more or could it help me to stop thinking so much about her? I don't know much about her and I want so badly to know a little bit more about her. Maybe getting some answers to what I would like to know would make be think less about her and wonder what things she likes?
I would like to know your experiences. Here and there I've read from several people that know a bit about there T's life/interest.
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Your T sounds very wise to ask you those questions about whether it would help you or not to know more about her. When is she going on maternity leave? I think in your case, to know more about her might help you internalize her while she is away. But, in general, I'm not sure. I wanted to know more about my T, and one day I asked her what her favorite foods, colors, music, movies, etc. are. She answered everything. But I always want to know everything about my Ts, so I Googled her also, and went on her FB page, and looked up her kids, too. I became jealous of her, more so, after reading her FB page. She says it's better to ask her questions, and she will usually answer them. I've been with her for 6 years, so I'm learning about her even when I don't ask. I used to think she was perfect, but then she got divorced. She told me she's just a regular person. That helped me a lot!
So that's my experience. I like knowing more about my T, but sometimes I wish I didn't know so much. It makes me feel closer to her, and it's better than not knowing. There has to be a middle ground.