I guess we really did not have as much sessions and I really should let her do her job Still it pissed me off because I was on the edge and I doubted that I will get home safe in the end. Well things got calmer, so maybe the fact that I might get help keeps me going, especially because I am getting my medication today (which didn't need to be prescribed) and I can't wait to maybe feel true happiness.
By the way don't worry about long posts, you explained everything perfectly!