Not trying to make excuses for him but it kind of sounds like he was afraid of the unknown, and fearful. Most guys like to be able to fix things and have things stay the same. The unknown of what would happen if you went to IOP and the financial aspects of it probably hit him hard. My own take on it is that IOP is past due and a good compromise between going without and IP. Sounds like his frustrations have been building up and he unleashed them on you.
I know things are really hard right now but you will get though it and IOP will help a lot with that. Try not to feel guilty about getting the help you need. It's hard for others to understand the MI is just as serious as any other physical illness.