Ok so there obviously is something to learn from every situation and people say especially from the bad ones I have to learn what needs to change. In my head it all makes sense.
But I feel that I have some reluctance in me to just change things. I feel like there could be someone jumping out from a hiding spot saying "You think you can just change and do better? Don't be ridiculous. You have been like that and you can't change because you are incapable."
It's a feeling I always had. Whenever I think about letting something go or changing my patterns, I become afraid of that creature telling me I am not good enough or don't have the right to fool the world into thinking I wasn't completely rotten on the inside.

Anyone's thoughts would be great. It's the first time I have been able to put this into words, I guess my therapy IS working in spite of all the doubts I have.