When you as a child take care to your parents emotional health and emotional needs, in time you get pissed off cause your emotional needs are neglected. Logically, that parent had no capacity at the beginning to fulfill those child's needs. Later, when you get older, when someone else shows you emotional neediness, you start automatically as triggered to resent him, and it fits most easily to children cause they have a lot of needs and are easy targets to manifest your covert and repressed anger that wasn't resolved towards your self-absorbed parent.
My fathers eyes are black, full of fear of abandonment, anger, sadness, neediness; they are as a black hole where you fall into and you are drained and deprived of all your happiness and optimism. He tricks you with his acting of victim-hood and suck you into pity and lock your attention, making you feeling guilty for not taking care of him in that state of his. The more time you spend with him, the less you have will to live your life. He is very good emotional manipulator.
Personally I don't know what to do with my anger towards his denial of his emotional state and self-absorption. He blames me with his black eyes for not filling his emotional hole without the bottom that his alcoholic father created.
Now I am so tired of searching for boundaries of my responsibility and guilt cause that is a very close person. I'm afraid that I am repressing that anger and it will come out on some innocent person who will only trigger it.
I need principles, rules, explanations, answers, how far goes my responsibility and where my guilt stops. I don't want to start my own parenting without the solutions to these questions.