Congrats on admitting you have a problem! And it's good that it scares you and that you know the seriousness of it. You're like me, a binge drinker. And that binge drinking can easily become an everyday thing. And that anxiety and pounding heart you wake up to is the effects of withdraw. And the symptoms only get worst! I actually fell off the wagon after a year sober in a moment of weekness yesterday but I woke up today, felt that heart racing and head pounding and said "nope not again, slow down wagon I'm jumping back on!" Point is, if at first you don't succeed, never stop trying. Pull out all the guns and do whatever you need. Therapy, AA, rehab. I too would black out every night. I remember one of the last nights I drank, I didn't even remember going out to dinner...at 5pm! I was blacking out on a nightly basis. And no I'm not high and mighty, I've gotten sober and went back to self medicating with alcohol a number of times. Only thing keeping me on track now is that I'm older, wiser, back on my meds, and I have my bf and step kids around. I would never want them to see me like I was. So it takes willpower and support. Have you talked to your hubby about this? Support is important whether it's from family, or a friend from AA. I know I couldn't of done it alone! Good luck we're all rooting for you

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