I have my daughter living with me right now. I've been having the usual teenage issues with her. She is doing poorly in school. She can do much better if she wanted to. But she has been failing out of school. The scares me about her future. She has also been helping me with my mother. My mother is in the advanced stages of dementia right now. It is been really grating on me lately. I went a little crazy with her when she began swinging. Just last week, she fell on the ground swinging and threatening me in one of her tantrums. The caregiver that was with me did not know what to do. We both just stood there looking down at her trying to talk sense to her. She even threatened to kill me. I know she is crazy. I needed a break badly. I try to go on a vacation that went terribly wrong. I ended up in a local hotel room on the last days of my vacation. I felt I needed to make the best of it. I thought I would be OK but I guess not. My poor daughter seeing me this way, seeing me angry and physically gettting in the face of my mother trying to control her. I have never ever been this way before in my life.

Everything is going too far for me. I have gone too far trying to control it. For the sake of my mother and my daughter, I need to remove myself from the situation. Instead of a positive influence in my mothers and in my daughters life, I have become something not nice, even terrible. I just don't know what I'm going to do but it now. I do not want to do anything that will harm my mother. It came too close to that today.

My mother begin yelling for the police like she can whenever she does not get her way. My daughter came out to see me with my face next to my mothers telling her to start behaving herself. That she shouldn't treat me and my daughter in this way. She needs to treat us better because we do everything for her so she can livein her own home. I have been out of work for years ago trying to help my mother while trying to take care of my daughter while trying to take care of myself. I thought my mother was the crazy one. Maybe I am the one that is really crazy now. My daughter is the only sane one left in this house. And she is just a child, or is she?

I am right now outback sitting down in the patio. I could hear the cars well into the background go by on the street nearby where I live. It is cool outside, turning out to be a warm nights. I do not want to go inside now. I have done something terrible. My daughter was there to see this monster in me come out. What have I done? Oh what have I done!