I think it is natural that you two got together. Itīs probable that she liked your vitality and popularity etc. but now she sees you as an enemy, not as a complementary partner :-(
From all the personal and other experience I have gathered I would say that there are basically 2 ways to approach depression:
1. spiritual
2. discipline
ad 1)
I donīt know if You have heard about Viktor Franklīs logotherapy school (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl), or so-called existential analysis. Itīs a therapeutic approach developed by a doctor who went thought all the terrors of holocaust. I am not sure how popular it is outside Europe but at least You could get her some book by Frankl?
It may sound very weird but I actually read a lot of books on war and suffering in my teens and it eased my depression and loss of faith.
The other thing is pastoral counselling. I donīt know how she feels about religion, but that is THE thing to give one the sense of meaning. Quite a lot of doctors agree that religious awakening, rebirth can save hopeless cases. (Iīm not saying that your wife is a hopeless case
)
Thatīs also something that keeps me away from depression these days.
2.
Discipline. Depression is to a great degree a bio-psycho-social thing, affected by just like everything - diet, sleep etc. This down-to-earth approach is sometimes vital, for example when the depressed person stops eating, cannot do daily stuff etc. I gather that with her it is not the case but she definitely needs some discipline to build a satisfactory life. Discipline and patience is THE thing depressed people lack. What about getting her involved in some interest group, local church or anything - if thereīs a self-help group or group therapy that would be the best thing. Or maybe some children-centered activity? Like maternity centre? (I donīt know how this would be called in the USA.)
Hope this helps, take care!