I am typing this out to try to collect all my thoughts in one place for once. So when I go to a psychiatrist I don't draw a complete blank again. Also so I can have a few of you read this and maybe help me out a little.

Some backstory first. (You can skip this if you want)

Right after I graduated highschool I made it a point to go straight to a psychiatrist because high school was complete HELL for me and my parents didnt want me to see a professional until I was 18. I was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, and panic attacks. Over the past 5 years (I'm 23 now) I have tried several different SSRIs, SSNIs, and a couple tricyclics. None of these ever work for me and after 6 months or so I always get switched to a new one hoping that one will help. I am also on Ativan for my occasional panic attacks which works very well for that. I get panic attacks maybe once a month.

Then this January I got very sick and had to get my gallbladder removed. While I was in and out of the emercency room I missed an appointment with my therapist and psychiatrist and when I tried to return to my psychiatrist after I recovered from surgery I found out that I've been banned from mental health services in the area for a certain amount of time (6 months I think?). They told me my file had been closed but if I wanted to schedule a two hour appointment with a therapist there to review my file to see if I was eligable to have my file reopened then they could set me up with that. But for the time being I've been cut off from my medications.

Then my boyfriend got offered a new job in another state and wanted me to come live with him. Another perk being that I'll be able to get in to see a psychiatrist a lot sooner than I would back home with my parents. So two weeks ago I moved here and I'm going to see a psychiatrist very soon. But I realized that my "depression" is essentially gone. Unfortunatly I don't have the greatest relationship with my parents and I think this was very negatively impacting my life.

(If you skipped down, start reading here)

But there are still a lot of problems. I can't focus on anything. I am literally FORCING myself to sit in front of my laptop and write this down. Any task I have to do seems impossible because my mind is all over the place. It's impossible to organize any of the things I randomly shoved in boxes when I moved here. I feel like my life is a complete mess. After high school I couldn't go to more than two college classes at once because the work load was just too insane for me. Every job I've had is overwhelming and takes all of my mental energy to strain to stay on task. My daily life literally drains me because I have to force myself to do things that I feel like normal people have no problem doing. These problems make me sad, but I think when I'm not actively beating myself up over the things I can't get myself to do, I'm a pretty happy/average person. I also think worrying over how much of a failure I am brings on my panic attacks and anxiety. I also have social anxiety but that's another story.

It was my boyfriend who brought up that it seems like I have ADD because he was diagnosed with it when he was younger and I guess living with me has given him a new perspective on my life. He's not on medication for it currently but has found his own ways to cope with it. I did a few google searches and some of the stories people have feel like I'm reading my own life story. I never started getting bad grades until high school but I remember all through school, even kindergarden, I would CRY while I was doing homework. Sometimes the most simple homework would take hours and I would cry the entire time. My parents tell me stories all the time about how insane this was. My room has never been clean and I've never been organized. No matter how much my parents told me to do things or punished me I could never figure out how to just keep things in order. My entire life is biggest mess ever.

I'm scared if I say all of this (a shortened version lol) to a new psychiatrist they will think I'm just seeking medication... but I really would like to know if this is a possibility so I can get help if that's the case. Does this sound like it could be ADD to you or do you think I'll be laughed out of the psychiatrist's office.