This was/is me. I can't even begin to count how many friendships I've began and lost over the years. I've stabilized somewhat, but they still come and go out of my own issues for the most part. I've built up a wall so that I can cut people off easily after all the hurt I've suffered years ago. The scars will remain for who knows how long and I'm now very cautious around new people. Unfortunately I don't have any great advice, but I understand and feel your pain. You're not a bad person. It's just another symptom that needs to get under control.