Hello on2, i can relate with a lot of what you have posted. I don't know why I haven't been able to build a decent life for myself. In the end I have put it down to a couple of things.

1. Social Anxiety
2. Procrastination with managing my working life

Perhaps you feel that these two factors are present in your story.

I feel something that has helped me is to gradually work on a list of habits or routines that I want to get into.

I just occasionally add something to my routine that I have to do every day or twice a week or whatever, and it becomes part of my routine and it is working towards something. The idea is to gradually add things to your routine until eventually it is quite full and you are satisfactorily busy. At the moment one of the things is learning to read sheet music. So every day I have to do that, and I have a list somewhere on my computer, and when I practice reading sheet music, I tick it off on the computer. Gradually I am learning to read notes and hopefully I will be able to play the piano soon. I also have routines for things such as diet, fitness, hygiene, etc, and I keep adding to it, but very gradually. It has really helped me, because progress is kept, maintained and consolidated, and also built upon as I add new things to my routine.

I hope this method helps you as well. What are some things that you would like to add? Maybe going for a run every day? The key is to start slowly and gradually add to it. Don't try to do too much too soon because you'll get overwhelmed and quit. Let me know if you are interested, I feel this method has helped me and has given me hope to overcome my procrastination.

Thank you.