Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_chic
I had a session with T today and I'm not exactly sure what it was specifically that triggered this but I just feel really hopeless and kind of scared for some reason. I feel like everything is too much and I can't handle it. I have this weird feeling like something bad is going to happen and I don't know why. 
It's times like these that I miss T and wish she was here so she could hug me or something but when I have a session with her I immediately put up this wall and feel angry when she keeps asking me questions and I want to push her away. |
retro_chic, I'm sorry that you're feeling so unsettled after your session. I know this feeling too well. In times like that there tends to be a lot of ambivalence inside of me: Wanting T to be close, yet pushing her away, or sometimes not even allowing her to come too close... Because it feels too dangerous. Frightening.
For me, those moments seem to follow a pattern. Quite often, those ambivalent feelings emerge immediately after (or the week after) we had some sort of "breakthrough" or covered some new/painful/very emotional stuff in session. It seems to me that a side of me takes over that's very protective of my vulnerability and somehow I see it now as a (feeble) attempt to protect myself from getting hurt. This was probably a helpful and important coping strategy when I was younger, but nowadays it tends to be confusing and even counterproductive. I started to talk more openly about this ambivalence in when I see my T, to explore the different sides and aspects and this seems to help a bit, and helps me to accept that things aren't always either/or.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche
Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_chic
Thanks for your reply. Self compassion is something I have always struggled with (obviously haha). I have also been really bad with meditation kind of things too but I guess these things take practice. I will give it another go I suppose.
|
I have started doing meditation recently. I can only do it when I'm already sort of calm but over time I can see that it has made a difference in how I feel. It was not immediate, for me it took six weeks of doing meditation twice a day before I really saw any benefit. And I cannot yet use it to calm down when I'm already upset. I still |
Second this. Mindfulness meditation and more recently mindful self-compassion (MSC) exercises made a huge difference to me, how I feel about myself, the universe and everybody else.
I know that MSC is kind of "taught" in eight week courses, once a week. Maybe this would be an option? I found the group once a week really helpful to try different things to see what works for me (and what doesnt) and to get some sort of routine established with regard to practising meditation and/or exercises.
Wishing you all the best and sending you a warm hug,
c_r