Today I got overwhelmed as the man ( "boyfriend") who took my virginity wants to meet me after 28 years. He is now divorced and said he wants to see me. Is it normal of me to want to meet him despite the fact he took my virginity without my concent?

He was my first...well maybe not love..as I didnt know what love was then, but he was my first boy "being happy with him"..happy may be a bit of a too strong word, but I was experiencing something that made me feel like in a dream..with him. Reality was of course somehow different since he could drug me down and rape me. I think he drugged me down because I dont remember being with him, just saw the blood on the bed knowing today he took my virginity. But the good memories when he bought me ice cream, we sat at the beach looking at the big turtles sticking its head up from the sea. He was 20 and I was 15.

I have never forgotten him in that way that he was the first. It was also traumatic for me down in Asia as once the family knew we had been together or maybe they knew what he had done, I dont know, they then forbade him to talk to me and he stood with the butcher knife wanting to kill his family. I think, at least that is what I have heard from some of the other, his sister or someone else. Her mother told me I had turned her son into a devil. Nobody said anything about what happened, if they knew I dont know, but his sister raged down there. That is weird since she tried hook me up with him 2 years earlier, when I was 13.

I said yes to meet him. But it seems like he may want more than talk to me. I dont know.

I dont know why I want to talk to him except for buried feelings I have carried and that he was the first..and his family didnt allow him to talk to me back then, but today we are both grown up and I can speak.

6-12 months ago I dreamt about him for the first time and it was a very good dream. We sat down somewhere in Asia and he said he was sad for what he did and we talked long..it felt like a healing to me. He somehow confirmed to me without speaking loud so I could hear it, but still he confirmed non verbally, with a voiceless voice, that he would have chosen me if he could. Something like that and that felt good to me. Despite the fact he did do what he did to me.

Suddenly I talk with him and I cant believe it is real.

Can my feelings and choice to talk to him and see him be seen as normal?