T,

My feelings about you changes from positive to anger/pain/sadness and back. It goes back and forward. Not seeing you for 5 months, no contact at all for 5 months, I don't know how I can do that without becoming more depressed again. The pain... There would be a day when I would have to say goodbye to you, but I thought it would be when I was ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready at all.

I need someone to hold me and tell me it's going to be ok. Not rational therapeutic words. Right now I need some human compassion.