What a taxing day. Went to classes for the first time in 2 1/2 weeks... I don't know how I'm going to catch up... I think it's possible, but I feel so drained. But school is my only option right now, working would be just as draining, and doing nothing is a sure way to crash and burn. This way I don't lose money or have to start paying bills, and who knows if I could find a job, anyway. But it's still so much to handle. Finally moved my stuff out of the dorm tonight, and after today I actually don't want to go to classes tomorrow - that's the first time ever... I love classes. But today was so hard, and I had to fight off the ever familiar suicide thoughts so much. It's pretty exhausting trying to be an optimistic pessimist.