My birthday is in 10 days, and it's another milestone of failure. I will be 34, and will have the wonderful following items:

- never had sex (never had any intimacy period)
- still financially dependent (yes I work but bills etc)
- still painfully introverted
- have interests that aren't interesting to people (studying Richard Nixon, fascination with electoral processes, finding truly weird stories, etc)
- screw up something every day or choose to be an idiot

I know my mother won't want me to say it, but I wish I was never born. I can only talk to my therapist about item #1 on this list because it's so intimate and degrading. I have so much pain & anxiety that even meds aren't helping. I pray for it to end immediately.

I feel like I have one year to fix this or else I have no choice but to leave this world and make it better for everyone on the whole.