Happy Birthday in advance. I think someone who studies Richard Nixon rather interesting. I would probably ask you if you know everything about Watergate because I was there when all that came down but not paying much attention because I was young and more interested in sex and how I could make that happen. It sounds like you are interested in intimacy...so isn't that a good sign? Better than apathy. If you have someone to be dependent on if you need help financially, that is also good. Truly weird stories...doesn't everyone love them? Daily screw ups...at least you know you make them. What annoys me is when people don't know they have screwed up. I would say if you check out early the world would be a bit less colorful. I will contact you 10 days before my birthday with my sad list so you can help me dispute it. I think I must be much more narcissistic than you because I just buy myself gifts on my birthday. This year...I plan on vanilla musk perfume from The Body Shop. I am not trying to make light of your pain. I know so very well how you feel. I wish someone would come along and tell me that the world would be a little less colorful if I check out early. I also know about goals...the major one being...I have one year to fix this. I know that one well. So...yeah...you are are both depressed and hopeless...but also hopeful. Maybe this year write a letter to your future self. That was something I thought of doing. Sometimes we have to keep living for no other reason but to honor the fact there is a future self out there. Hugs and best wishes.