Ok, thank you, omegalamed. I feel a need to talk with him and see him. I just hope it can be something good coming out from it and that he is grown now and knows to treat me right.

I got the chance to ask him if he did drug me down, as he started talk about how much I remember from that day. He avoided the question and seemed to somehow be excited about what happened down there. He asked me how much I remember from the time we drove to his friends house and up to that bungalow where I am sure he drugged me down. He didnt seem to understand I have been scared ( if I was ) and didnt give any reassurance to not worry about what happened and I was only 15. Instead he could assure me it was nice and wild. He didnt understand either why I cant remember it. I dont know if he is lying or not.

Telling me he is so happy to have found me. I said I am so happy to talk with him again. Some of the things he said makes me question his character, now as a grown man. I have met a couple sociopaths so I am aware of red flags.

Still, despite this all, I still feel the wish to see him and talk with him. I read on a website that sometimes a victim of rape return to their rapist to downplay what happened, to make believe what happened wasnt that bad and that the relationship could have been continued.

I may feel I fit in that description or situation. I understand that I have never healed from this as he was my first.