I dont know, Artchic. He doesnt hold any power over me, but I am so happy to talk with him again. He was 18 back then and I guess I wish to think he wasnt grown enough to know what he did. I know that sounds ridiculous as it seems to me he had planned it.

In my right mind I shouldnt want to see him, but reality is I do and the only reason for that must be because of what happened to me and everything that happened down there, the good things too. I understand its hard to understand why a victim would have a need to see her rapist. He was like my boyfriend and the last year I have been thinking about him and all what happened and it has made me sad. Nothing to do with love, but vulnerability, lost chance with him. Its hard to explain.

He brought up feelings in me that is hard to say no to see him. Maybe its me who still have issues why I want to see him.