Hi Eucalyptus, it's nice to see you here, a new member.

I think i understand what she is saying, but I don't know if i can explain it articulately enough. Maybe giving examples will help.

What i think your T is talking about happens a lot if for those who grew up in a family who didn't allow boundaries, autonomy, recognizing people as individuals. For example, instead of being there for a child and supporting the child on how to solve her own problems (age appropriate, of course), a parent without boundaries might try to rescue the child by controlling the child, taking away her autonomy. The parent takes actions for the child to prevent her from feeling pain instead of nurturing the child, teaching her how to deal with her own pain and take her own actions. The child never grows.

It doesn't involve just actions though. A certain type of projection is one way people growing up in that type of environment emotionally relate to others. Like in the example above, the controlling parent is projecting her own emotional issues onto the child and acting on those feelings instead of recognizing the child's autonomy. If you are used to people doing this, it might feel distant when someone does not take 'action', no matter how subtle, in response to your emotional pain.

Another way projection manifests is feeling another's pain. You might want to rescue a dog from a pound not just because you care about the dog, but you (unconsciously) are imaging the dog is feeling your pain that you disavowed. I did this as a child; later found out that it was my own pain i imagined the dog to be feeling. it was too painful for my psyche to feel at the time.

Enmeshment is one concept that seems to explain what your therapist is getting at. She's not enmeshing with you, so it might feel like she doesn't get it. Of course maybe she is clueless, but this is what it seems to be imo. It could be that it's as if you need her to 'react' rather than witness with compassion.