At 09:07 this morning I felt hopeless (wrote about it in the long-term thread). I decided to try to motivate myself to try to make a prevention-plan to «save myself» from falling deeper into depression. This happened:

I read through old notes and found that order in what to do (scheduling) is very important for me when I’m on my downward road.

Felt like that didn’t matter (don’t care).

Read that I should pay my bills in time (got the «I don’t care» feeling).

Persuaded myself to write on-line, step by step, what I’m doing to prevent falling deeper into depression (that is what I’m doing now).

Collected my bills to pay them on-line and did at the same time put forth one of my pre-made sheets for writing down how I follow my schedule (started to feel as one person among many, I mean I could see myself as one of the many who tries to use their personal tools to prevent symptoms. That helped a bit, but not much .)

Had to push myself hard to be able to pay the bills. (Started self-blaming, but reminded myself about that depressed persons often have problems doing the slightest thing. Felt proud enough to have made these little things, to be able to make a meal not so difficult to prepare). Body tension very high.

Forced myself to eat the dinner. It felt as if it was a burden to open my mouth.

I’m waiting for my coffee to be ready to drink.

I don’t feel much better, but I think that I have prevented a further development of the depression. When tomorrow comes I hope to benefit from the feeling of «being on the road». I think it will help me to continue at the good path, hopefully, because this is a start.

After drinking my coffee, I will shower. I really think I will make it.

Thank you for reading!

It is the feeling of being in some sort of companionship with other strugglers that seems to be a strong motivation here. Pardon me for posting this, but know that it is of help for me.