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I never (never say never) go completely off them for more than one day (absolute) max, but I notice myself rather subconsciously varying the times I take them. This very much against my scientific nature/training, but I notice what probably is these variations causing very slowly escalating/self-supporting worsening of (any) routine.
I also might drink whisky sometimes to "rock the boat" in ("too") calm waters.
I also take enough for a few days with me wherever I go. Except for supplements: would really be too much. I very much notice not taking my supplements.
I blame it on borderline behaviour, which could very well be it.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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