i wish i was better at this stuff... and had some good advice, i dont want you to do the things i do though, im horrible at coping skills
im embarrassed that i even do these things to myself, i just want you to know that you're not alone and try to encourage you just the littlebit that i can try....

i've been doing the unspeakable again and i took a few painpills tonight...
so im feeling a little nauseas too from them :/ but im intoxicated i guess...
i guess sometimes we just have to do whatever we can to get by - but i dont want anyone to do what i do because its not good at all... just hurting myself more... even though it feels good... or feels better? or different, i dunno i cant think :/

can you meditate? i know its hard to when you are panicking and anxieous... but if you practice when you feel better and calm then build skills up in it its supposed to be easire when you are in those hieghened stress moments... i try my best to do it, my brain tends to bounce all over the place though so i just get mad at myself because i cant focus... but it is a skill maybe that could help... i try to keep myself in a state of zen... just i fail alot obviously...