why wont they give you your medicine...?
if doc is giving you medicine to help then its important to follow treatment plan...
maybe not safe for you to hold the medicine to protect yourself but they need to give you medicine daily... just what you are supposed to take daily....

30 is scary... i keep thinking about it too...
im sorry you are feeling so bad...

keep doing the treatment program... tell someone there that your parents are not giving your medicine to you if you have to...

try to distract yourself with some activitie that you find enjoyable... watch movies... cartoons.. anything...

spend time here... talk to people here and can vent and let out anything here...

you are valuable... i know you dont feel well an its hard to feel important...
but you are important... every human is important...

keep doing treatment and work with your doctors...
try not to think of the number of your age... talk to your therapist about your birthday stressing you...

stay safe... take care of yourself and be kind to yourself...