Lonesome,

I like the ring theory a lot - http://lifehacker.com/use-the-ring-t...eone-977848409

Comfort in, dump out. As in H doesn't dump in on you about your anxiety (like how you don't dump in on your daughter's ASD), but he gets to dump to other people like friends of his.

I think you're in a really tough long term situation, without extended family etc which would make things easier.