I’ve always dreamed of the idea of getting seriously injured or somehow getting a mental disorder. One hope I have that I think about when I’m in bed is me being pushed over and hitting my head on something on the way down, causing me to go unconscious and wake up with a disorder. But, it would have to be an accident that (at least seemed like) it wasn’t because I inflicted it on myself. I couldn’t help but smile when I was told by the doctor that I had broken my wrist (not on purpose). I have self harmed, and do it about once every two months (ranging from cutting to bruising to substance abuse), but no one knows I do it. I’d hate for anyone that knows me to know I self harm as I am very independant and like to deal with my emotional pain myself. Is this some sort of disorder, or is it normal to have constant masochistic thoughts? I also think I have some sadistic traits, because I don’t care about stealing, exploiting or tricking others as long as I’m certain I won’t be caught. I don’t want anyone’s views of me to change, so I don’t reveal my masochistic or sadistic behaviours to anyone in real life.