Thanks Purplemoon, I think too what is a factor is a T's orientation.

I don't know how many of you are with a CBT therapist as I am. He isn't traditional psychodynamic. I can tell because Pink's T is and the whole session focuses more on the relationship while in mine, we are talking about where my thoughts and interpretations go wrong for me and my husband etc.

We talk a lot about my family as dysfunctional as they all are and how I can manage them better for myself.

We have some relationship discussions but it isn't the focus. I could tell at the last session when he said 'what have I done this time?' that I'm evoking something in him and he'll tell me what it is if I ask. I should've asked right then but I get distracted.

Back to the topic. For me, the only reason contact between sessions hurts me more than helps is because he doesn't really respond to it. It could be he is busy or it could be that we've talked about boundaries before and he doesn't want to encourage this contact.

What I have learned from this recently is I can't count on him they way I would love to. Therefore, I need to start building that system outside of the therapy room and I've already begun.

So the huge difference between my therapist and yours or others on this forum is that your T's are encouraging it, embrace it and offer that to you.

Mine isn't for it. So I'm comparing apples to oranges perhaps.